I'm feel a bit scared to face this weekend, cuz I know its gonna be all packed and busy. I need to travel a total of 5 long distances trips for different activities at different places, starting Friday night, ending only Sunday evening. And I KNOW I wont get enough sleep then I tend to get stressed and uptight when my schedules are tight. I don't like myself that way. And also, there's a tendency I'll get migraine, the one constant sickness of mine which I'm really fed up of.
It's kinda my fault that I didn't arrange things properly. One of these activities which is "in the way" of my plans was the choir practice tonight. Not only its a rush, its really far and inconvenient to go all the way there and back again. Anyone who'd ever stayed in KL before would understand this helpless irritation of being trapped in this inconvenient and time consuming transportation situation.
So I was in the dilemma of wanting to go or not. I knew I needed the practice, but the temptation of laying back comfortably watching movie on a Friday night is calling out to me. Friday nights and Saturday mornings are very precious for me, as they are my rest time of the week. I realize I began to grumble in my heart, and felt very negative bout all the things that has to come together at the same timing. My weekend is screwed I thought.
Then I remembered one of my devotionals saying that "servants make themselves available". No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier. (2 Timothy 2:4 NASB). Since I call myself a servant of God, I thought I should stop being such a self centered baby and make myself available to Him. So I make it to the practice just now, but I confess I didn't go and serve all so willingly. I got annoyed when the song had to be stopped and repeated many times even before the first 3 words had barely been sung, I got bored and kept thinking what time its gonna end, and I took it personally (all so secretly :P) when my inappropriate playing styles were being corrected.
I realize servanthood may be one of the most difficult christlike quality to learn. Its not a common quality to practice in the society. I don't know about you, by the mention of servant reminds me of nothing more than "kakak" (a Malay word for "maid") - someone of lower status and less freedom in the community. She has to follow and listen to practically everything the master says. Nobody would set their ambition to be a 'kakak" I guess. But God defines things differently. God appreciate our willingness to serve him, like how a servant serves his master. The difinition of a good servant is humble and loyal. Good servants don't think about their own plans and their own benefits. They are ready to serve their master anytime, anywhere, anything.
So, obviously with my perfomance, if I were a 'kakak', its most likely I'll get fired. I hope I can do better and be more mature next time. Please forgive me Lord for such selfishness. I want to serve you but I know I'm very limited and I don't deserve to. Please give me a pure servant heart, the willingness to obey you and the strength to face the challenges. Amen.
Here's a cute little song by Psalty kids to share. It's one of my fav song and fav show since I was a kid. Hehehe.
Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord let me lift up
Those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant
Make me a servant
Make me a servant today